"This gives me a couple days to come up with something great," I think, as I flip through images in my head, calculating, refining. By the end of lunch break I have a vision. With 4,000 five to nine year olds in town, we will gather them and have them link hands around the campus. We'll form a skin the President's car will pass through before he enters the campus. Surely we will make a visual statement - he will see that I care.
I spend nine hours of Saturday at my cousin's bridal shower. At 7am, two hours before my departure, I sit in an empty parking lot at the walk-in clinic with my sick son. I return home and plop him, feverish, on the couch.
"I am sorry, it doesn't open until 9:00," I tell my husband as I write on an index card all the important information.
Sore throat, swollen glands, highest recorded fever 101, onset Friday evening, Motrin 200mg every four hours, Allbuterol as needed, Flovent two puffs daily, History - Scarlett Fever in 2011, asthma since birth, chronic hives, no known allergies
"Just hand them this when you take him," I say as jot the pharmacy name and telephone number at the end of the note. "Anna's got two birthday parties; the gifts are on the table. The first party is fancy and the second is an art party, so bring a change of clothes for the car." He nods as he pours his first cup of coffee and I see my mother's car pull up. "Anna is still in the tub, I got most of her knots out, but you're going to have to brush it again. I won't be home for dinner, I love you!"
His day went badly. Not the call my cell every minute badly, but the, my cell never rang badly. I finally texted.
"My mom was here for a few hours after he puked everywhere, multiple times, at the pharmacy - right after the doctor warned me to not be in contact with his saliva. He seems much better now."
"Just started gifts, 65 people, leaving in an hour, give him a kiss."
Sunday, I think about the President some more. Tomorrow will come and go and I will not have done anything. I did nothing, I am a mute. I write this, while my son naps and my husband and daughter work in the garden.
Today, April 8, 2013, the President of the United States is speaking in my hometown about gun control. I found out he would be here while sitting at my desk at work last Thursday. The news says I should modify my commuting time tonight.
I want to show you that I care.
The commute was miserable last night..but totally worth the detours. Caring takes effort.
ReplyDeleteThanks, the 500 word limit was difficult for this one! There is so much more.
DeleteIt is so evident you care...
ReplyDeleteWell, that just blew my perspective open. I just see all that I did not do. I wrote about the actual activities of my life thinking: I didn't get my son checked, I left my daughter in the tub (albeit in good hands), I sat on the couch writing Sunday afternoon, and I feel helpless about getting past or taking action about what happened in Newtown. I am not sure what your comment intended, but I got a brief glimpse that maybe I painted my care in there somewhere, unbeknownst to me.
DeleteI work right near where the President was speaking, and we had things changed around in the afternoon due to the traffic concerns.
ReplyDeleteWell howdy, neighbor! My commute was embarrassingly easy from East Hartford, to West Hartford. But I was ready for anything!
DeleteIt's frustrating to feel helpless, to want to act but not be able to.
ReplyDeleteVery. The opening speech by Dylan's mother really nailed it. We get passionate and then get busy with life. Now she has no choice but to act, because she lost her son. How do we feel less paralyzed without the loss?
DeleteLife happens. Sometimes it takes a turn when we wanted to go somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteYes, or sometimes it just keeps moving before we fit all out thoughts in!
DeleteJust writing this post shows that you care. Sometimes life happens and there is not much we can do about it, but by talking about the things we care about, and by writing them, we feel less helpless and more like we have done something positive to make change happen.
ReplyDeleteWriting is certainly an action, and a relief, but when are we obligated to do more? And if we feel it, how do we do it? External vs internal action seem so disconnected, yet I am not certain either is more or less valid.
DeleteNo greater example of the fact that sometimes life just gets in the way. But agree with the others - your care shows.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear it, but maybe I should of picked a different title if it shows so much?
DeleteI agree with what everyone has said. Life happens. But at least you tried, and writing this post shows that you care.
ReplyDeleteI do care, passionately, but also feel it is contrasted with a lack of even beginning to know how to initiate an action. I tried in my head, maybe someday I'll know how to try harder.
DeleteLife has a way of interrupting us when we are most motivated. I loved your idea of having the kids circle. Sorry you weren't able to make it work but your heart was in the right place.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I had a backup plan of silhouettes if parents didn't want their kids involved. My heart has a mind of its own!
DeleteAs a fellow mama of little ones, I see you caring a TON in this post.
ReplyDeleteMy gosh, only a mom would know....
DeleteEvery time the President comes to L.A., the streets disintegrate and traffic becomes a snarling beast. Sometimes despite our best efforts, life gets in the way of our desires. But I agree with the above - just writing this shows you care.
ReplyDeleteThanks! This was the first sitting president to ever visit our town, it seems so monumental, but came and went like most Monday's. Life moves like a river...
DeleteI'm going to echo the sentiments of others and say that writing this shows you care. I get where you're coming from. But your intentions are clear here. I don't think anyone can doubt that you care.
ReplyDeleteWe can't do everything, unfortunately. But just writing about it and speaking about it is something!
ReplyDeleteI like how this circles back around, and it DOES show that you care. But also that the daily things sometimes choke out the important things, at least in terms of some of the big actions we'd like to take.
ReplyDeleteI love how you constructed this - really well done! Honestly, given all you had going on, I'm impressed you thought about the Pres at all!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your son is sick. We can't do everything/be everywhere. But, we can still care from afar.
ReplyDelete