The Introvert, Part One

My sister is in town and offers to join me to bring my seven year old daughter to her first soccer clinic of the spring season. We arrive at the park and I pan the fields for any familiar faces. Her coach somehow manages to grab the pink uniforms, and the team is elated. Anna pulls on her number 11 over her sweatshirt, and kicks grass on the outskirts of the team cluster. I pat her head knowingly and reassuringly.

“When does this go until, can we go get coffee?” my sister asks. She got up late and rushed to be with us this morning, so I knew coffee would be in the mix. “Do you want a hot chocolate?” she proceeds to ask my sweet-toothed Anna, whose head frantically bobs a “yes”. Then my sister looks to the coach. “We are going to get coffee; can we buy the girls a box of hot chocolate while we are there?” The coach smiles and agrees, and she pivots toward the car as I pull away from my daughter, still kicking grass on the outskirts of the team circle.

“We’ll be back soon, stay with the team,” I whisper in Anna's ear. “It sounds like we are bringing hot chocolate.” As I drive away I peer through the side mirror, she is still too far outside the group, kicking grass. I am glad she has the uniform on.

Dunkin Donuts is busy and we wait. “Do you get health insurance through work?” my sister asks. An issue that has contributed so much thought and drained my family for years. I could swear she knows that already.

“No, we buy on the private market.”

“Oh, it must be cheaper that way.” I swear we’ve had this conversation before, please make it go away.

“If $1,200 a month with $45 co-pays and a $5,000 hospital deductible are cheaper than what you pay, then maybe.” Could she hear my irritation with the subject? I know so much about insurance, I could write a book, but I know she has a motive for bringing this up, I wait for it.

“I have never gotten a bill for anything, and this month I got a bill for $2,000 for my MRI.” It takes me moment to feel out if it is a statement, a complaint, or an ordinary proclamation. Should I blame Obama? I wait, but I do not get a follow up prompt.

“Well, is that all you will have to pay for the year now that you have met your deductible?”

“Yes, I called human resources to complain, because I have never had a bill in the years I have worked there, and now there it is. She said now that we have a PPO we have to pay $2,000 a year for a deductible.”

I stand frozen, thinking "boo fucking hoo." Is this why people don’t like me? Can they read my mind? I reach the counter and order an egg sandwich and box of hot chocolate. I pull out a $20 bill, grateful for the tag sale I had yesterday. This $20 won’t break us, but we don’t spend on extras and I am very aware of spending it. The woman hands me the box of hot chocolate, and another box with cups and lids. I feel the panic set in already. How will I distribute it? Will she do it for me? I hate this shit.



Update: Yeah Write Lurker's review! Thank you!

God save us from small talk. The Introvert is an admittedly unconventional post for yeah write. Doina’s daughter becomes the physical manifestation of Doina’s anxiety and introvert tendencies. Doina’s sister is the manifestation of every person who feels their opinions are so valuable, you’re just dying to hear them. Doina’s inner voice gives the reader insight into her true feelings. We’re left panicking with her about what to do with the soccer team’s hot chocolate. Impracticable distractions begin to over take her mind, but Doina, like you, me and most of our friends, is playing the go-with girl and suffering in silence for it. The delivery gripped me, not only because Doina is echoing my own inner voice, but it’s honest in that these sorts of mundane human dramas have no ending when you’re an introvert. The most you can hope for is a nap when you get home.